Mustaches and Morale



Not a good look

 One of our officers is retiring after 25+ years on the job.  He has spent almost his entire career with a "Freddy Mercury" style thick mustache in place above his lip and under his nose.  As a tribute to him all of us at the PD has dedicated the month of January to him and in varying degrees of success (after weeks I have the beginnings of a mustache...the pejorative "porn star" keeps getting bandied about) we have all grown out our stashes.  It is not a good overall look, but it shows we care.

This is just a simple behind the scenes glimpse.




Psalm 126:2

Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”

I am at a loss for Post Material...So Here are Steven Wright Jokes

Here are some Steven Wright Jokes.  Thanks to http://www.weather.net/zarg/ZarPages/stevenWright.html

• All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

• I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

• OK, so what's the speed of dark?

• How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

• Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

• When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

• Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

• Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

• I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

• Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

• Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

• When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

• Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

• Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

• I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

• If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

• The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

• The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

• The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

• You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

• The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

• Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

• If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

• Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

• A fool and his money are soon partying.

• Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

• If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

• Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

• Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

• Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

• Half the people you know are below average.

• 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

• 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

• A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Steven Wright's Site

Genesis 17:17
Abraham fell facedown; he laughed and said to himself, “Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?”

Surviving Zombie Attack starts with preparedness and proper gear.

This was sent to me the other day.  It has all the elements Cops love...well this Cop at least...Survival horror, gear and humor.  What a cool marketing idea for a gear site...below is a little bit from their page.  The link http://tacticalgear.com/zombie-gear-guide.

Zombie Survival Gear Have the people in your life started to act a little … strange? A friend came down with a mysterious flu and now only craves rare meat. Yesterday, you caught a coworker attempting to gnaw off your hand. These unexplained events cannot be resolved in a hospital or a human resources office. It's time to stockpile essential zombie survival gear. Because there's no such thing as too prepared.

Its the weekend-A little Humor

One of the often overlooked facets of the "Police Life" is the humor that permeates everything we do...it allows us to blow off steam, replace tragic with the ironic, drop over inflated egos back down to earth and basically keep us sane.

I can be something as simple as leaving your computer unattended and upon returning realizing that you e-mailed the Chief a love letter from you to him...quickly followed up by an email you author explaining that your co-workers are idiots to same said Chief.  It can also be a co-worker deciding to take digital camera photos of "Johnsons" in the act of relief while in the field, causing everyone from that point forward to perform that function with one hand to grip and the other to cover and scanning side to side to keep from becoming a camera victim (a lot of wet shoes that week).  At another time, a co-worker left his credential wallet out and someone grabbed it and glued the face of George Washington onto his photo ID so that whenever he flashed his ID he did not get respect for his a-thor-ity but rather giggles until he discovered the prank.  To telling the story of the rookie that while in court identified himself as, "I with the D&D, no the DNA no I with the DEA, yes that's it, the DEA" and while we were all on the floor laughing having him complain that we were embarrassing him in front of the civilians (that he did all by himself).  To authoring a operational plan, in another co-workers name of course, that required sign off by the Chief of the Police Departments operational response in case of wide spread polar bear attack.

All that said to introduce the following video that I must have seen at every training session, meeting, etc where officers are gathered.  Enjoy. *Language is a little rough...

Fishing Bloopers

Something about how Bill Dance takes it all in stride makes it even better.  Life is too short to be serious all the time, enjoy.


Ecclesiastes 10:19
A feast is made for laughter, and wine makes life merry, but money is the answer for everything.

Job Security

In an economy that is still heading into a deeper recession it is good to know that my clientele is still out there needing our life style management aid programs. There are two main ones...the right cuff and the left cuff.

Psalm 74:22 Rise up, O God, and defend your cause; remember how fools mock you all day long.