Humor in the Locker Room

Police Humor is.........................silly
Police Humor is also a little.........rough




It is the end of the week for my shift key, the end of the duty day and there were three of us left in the locker room.  My two shift mates are in the first bay and I am alone in the second.  As we are all ripping off our gear and uniforms, the quickest way possible to get our days off time maximized, a conversation springs up between the two officers about their family plans for the weekend.  This rolls on for a little while and when it has run its course, they feel the social obligation to ask me the same question they had asked each other.

So I share with them that my two children will both be out of town at different winter camps for the weekend, making it a date night for my wife and I.  One of the two asked me for the names of the camps and I informed them that it is through my church, Harvest, for both kids.  Officers are never one to miss the opportunity for a pun and so I am asked, "So what, they are heading out to gather some corn?"

I respond, "No that's a common misnomer, what they actually do is head out into the night and harvest organs from unsuspecting citizens from different towns, pack them in ice and place them into their bathtubs with a phone on their chest with a note to call 911 as soon as they wake up.  It's what we do to fund raise.  The irony is that our biggest market for our organs is India for people missing their organs that had this happen to them and their parts shipped here.  It's the circle of life."

Then one of the two said, "Look all I was trying to do is make a simple joke about harvesting grain because of your church's name and instead I got a run down of your whole weekend."  By this time I had completed my change over to civilian clothing and walked over to their bay.  Challenged by his comment, I started breaking down my entire weekend minute by minute.

The first responded by saying, "bye, thanks, have a good weekend", and with his pants unzipped and unbuttoned hopped out of the room trying to move and get his boot on simultaneously   I followed the other one out into the hall still breaking down the weekend when he suddenly put his fingers in his ears, started transitioning between humming and yelling, "I cant hear you!".  Then with fingers in place and maintaining his humming and shouting, he sprinted up the stairs and past the roll call in progress, looking for all the world like a ten year old that doesn't want the secret revealed.

I simply got to walk to my personal car with a grin on my face.


Exodus 12:9
Do not eat the meat raw or boiled in water, but roast it over a fire—with the head, legs and internal organs.

Its the weekend-A little Humor

One of the often overlooked facets of the "Police Life" is the humor that permeates everything we do...it allows us to blow off steam, replace tragic with the ironic, drop over inflated egos back down to earth and basically keep us sane.

I can be something as simple as leaving your computer unattended and upon returning realizing that you e-mailed the Chief a love letter from you to him...quickly followed up by an email you author explaining that your co-workers are idiots to same said Chief.  It can also be a co-worker deciding to take digital camera photos of "Johnsons" in the act of relief while in the field, causing everyone from that point forward to perform that function with one hand to grip and the other to cover and scanning side to side to keep from becoming a camera victim (a lot of wet shoes that week).  At another time, a co-worker left his credential wallet out and someone grabbed it and glued the face of George Washington onto his photo ID so that whenever he flashed his ID he did not get respect for his a-thor-ity but rather giggles until he discovered the prank.  To telling the story of the rookie that while in court identified himself as, "I with the D&D, no the DNA no I with the DEA, yes that's it, the DEA" and while we were all on the floor laughing having him complain that we were embarrassing him in front of the civilians (that he did all by himself).  To authoring a operational plan, in another co-workers name of course, that required sign off by the Chief of the Police Departments operational response in case of wide spread polar bear attack.

All that said to introduce the following video that I must have seen at every training session, meeting, etc where officers are gathered.  Enjoy. *Language is a little rough...