I am at a loss for Post Material...So Here are Steven Wright Jokes

Here are some Steven Wright Jokes.  Thanks to http://www.weather.net/zarg/ZarPages/stevenWright.html

• All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

• I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

• OK, so what's the speed of dark?

• How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

• Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

• When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

• Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

• Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

• I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

• Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

• Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

• When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

• Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

• Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

• I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

• If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

• The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

• The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

• The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

• You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

• The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

• Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

• If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

• Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

• A fool and his money are soon partying.

• Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

• If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

• Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

• Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

• Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

• Half the people you know are below average.

• 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

• 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

• A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Steven Wright's Site

Genesis 17:17
Abraham fell facedown; he laughed and said to himself, “Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?”

Three Fallen Brothers

Three of our fallen Chicago Pd brothers, by the hands of others in the last two months. End of tour.  Please be safe out there, each and everyone of you, they are and will take our lives.  Our prayers are with the families they left behind and thoughts go to the promised day when peace is everlasting.



Michael R. Bailey, 62, a 20-year veteran weeks from retirement, was shot a little after 6 a.m. while cleaning his Buick -- a retirement gift to himself -- in the 7400 block of South Evans Avenue, police said.  He had just gotten home and was still in his uniform when as many as three men approached, a source said. Preliminary information indicates Bailey announced he was an officer, and there was an exchange of gunfire between Bailey and at least one of the men, a source said.  The officer's son, who was home at the time, grabbed one of his father's guns and ran outside after he saw his father on the ground, the source said. It was unclear if the son fired any shots at the attackers.  The men fled and were being sought this afternoon, the source said. Three handguns, including one belonging to Bailey and another believed to belong to the assailants, were found at the scene.

Thor Soderberg

Thor Soderberg, 43, a 11-year police veteran.-Before ripping away Chicago police officer Thor Soderberg's handgun and shooting him dead with it, Bryant Brewer, a felon with a long arrest record, inexplicably tried getting inside the last place anyone would expect him to go: a renovated police facility full of cops.  Moments before Soderbergh, an 11-year police veteran, was killed Wednesday, Brewer strolled down 61st Street, screaming and hollering at no one in particular before he tried opening a locked door to the oldEnglewood police station that now serves as a police deployment center, according to a witness.  After Brewer killed the officer, he fired shots at a stranger sitting across the street and then peppered the facade of the police building with gunshots before being shot by responding officers, prosecutors said Friday.

Tom Wortham, 30, 3-year veteran.-Late Wednesday, Wortham became the latest casualty, fatally gunned down in front of his family homejust steps from the basketball courts after four men tried to rob him of a brand-new motorcycle, Chicagopolice said. His father, a retired Chicago police sergeant, witnessed the attack from the front of his home and wielded his own weapon to try to defend his son.  One of the robbers was killed and a suspect was critically injured. A third suspect surrendered to police by late afternoon, and the last was picked up during a traffic stop Thursday evening, sources said.  Wortham was a three-year officer and a first lieutenant in the Army National Guard. He had returned from Iraq in March.

Tom Wortham