I am at a loss for Post Material...So Here are Steven Wright Jokes

Here are some Steven Wright Jokes.  Thanks to http://www.weather.net/zarg/ZarPages/stevenWright.html

• All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

• I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

• OK, so what's the speed of dark?

• How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

• Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

• When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

• Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

• Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

• I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

• Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

• Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

• When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

• Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

• Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

• I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

• If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

• The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

• The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

• The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

• You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

• The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

• Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

• If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

• Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

• A fool and his money are soon partying.

• Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

• If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

• Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

• Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

• Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

• Half the people you know are below average.

• 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

• 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

• A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Steven Wright's Site

Genesis 17:17
Abraham fell facedown; he laughed and said to himself, “Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?”

Catch Them Before They Fall

I was speaking with a friend of mine who is on a different department when he told me about this incident.

The construction of one of our State buildings is in the shape of a cylinder.  The offices, elevators and the stairwells are affixed to the inside edge of the cylinder leaving the entire center of the structure open from the roof  to the floor, approximately seventeen floors.

A distraught middle aged woman pulled a chair to the railing, climbed to the rail and jumped to her death, falling seventeen stories to the floor.  Her body remained intact, thou broken, but upon impact her skull split open and her brain slid two to three feet across the floor on the floor lubricated by her own cerebrospinal fluid.  It takes about four minutes to achieve cellular death due to oxygen starvation.  If her brain did not suffer massive structural damage and from what I was told it was totally intact with little to no sign of bleeding, she would have been conscious and aware sitting as only a brain on the tile floor for the four to six minutes till she passed.  A grim, to say the least, ending.

On her body was a note as to where her vehicle was parked, what to do at her apartment and who got her pets and personal property.  Her family and friends received the letter she sent prior to her jump, explaining her reasons for suicide and her hopes for their futures.

As a Police Officer you run into suicides in many forms, using many methods for many different reasons.  But in the final analysis they are all the same in the end.  It is a story about a depressed individual who soon becomes overwhelmed by their real or perceived problems, isolates themselves, erroneously believes their personal issues insurmountable and escapes in the only way they know how.

We need to catch them before they fall.  You know that friend/family member you had that you just somehow lost contact with?  Contact them, find out how they are doing, not over the phone, but in person.  Be brave, ask the real questions, have a relationship that goes deeper than the weather and sports.  Get them moving, get them in the shower, get them running on the street, take them to lunch, have them meet your friends.  Get them to the doctor, the hospital, have them meet some great firemen and Policemen (Trust me we all love alive people even if they do not want to see us-the dead ones tend not to do anything really fun).  Intervene, be someone's savior.  Give them Christ!  Before their last act is to sit dying on the tile-truly and permanently  isolated from us forever.

John 5:24
“Very truly I tell you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be judged but has crossed over from death to life.

Surviving Zombie Attack starts with preparedness and proper gear.

This was sent to me the other day.  It has all the elements Cops love...well this Cop at least...Survival horror, gear and humor.  What a cool marketing idea for a gear site...below is a little bit from their page.  The link http://tacticalgear.com/zombie-gear-guide.

Zombie Survival Gear Have the people in your life started to act a little … strange? A friend came down with a mysterious flu and now only craves rare meat. Yesterday, you caught a coworker attempting to gnaw off your hand. These unexplained events cannot be resolved in a hospital or a human resources office. It's time to stockpile essential zombie survival gear. Because there's no such thing as too prepared.

A Snap Shot of the History of American Law Enforcement

Via: Criminal Justice Degrees Blog

NASCAR

My first NASCAR Race.

Day one-was a rain out.  The BBQ'ing and our attempt to ride it out only succeeded in getting every ounce of my clothes soaked and new found appreciation for deodorant as the six of us huddled under a tiny canopy.

Day two-the track was about 1/3 full and it was a great time.

Ecclesiastes 9:11
I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.

Impermanence

If you have read the blog for any amount of time you would have noticed that I post tickets, pamphlets, things which have a very temporal existence.  Watching the history channel, Antiques Roadshow, Pawn Stars and the like, there always is a section about an item that no one knows about and no one preserved an example of one.  It struck me about the impermanence of everyday items we take for granted.  I scan and post something I ran across, found or attended so I can, in a very small way, add to the collective archiving of our lives of the things that have no permanence.

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

I haven't Stopped Blogging I Just lost track of time...for a month

Wow neglected the blog there...but I'm back...